Love should not be a battlefield. Oh, you’ll fight… don’t let anybody tell you different. Love, though, is a warm blanket in a cold world. On International Women’s day, and on the heels of the recent scandal where a local pageant queen found herself embroiled in a fight with another woman over a MAN, I’ve decided to share some basic #girlboss guidance.

You should absolutely fight for love; never let naysayers, distance, insecurities or minor personality differences get the better of your relationship…

Nonetheless, never, never, NEVER fight for a man if he’s any of the following things;

He’s abusive

I’m not just talking about the guy who physically strikes you or pushes you around.

Does he call you names in front of friends because he finds it absolutely hilarious to embarrass you? Does he openly compare you (unfavourably) to other women? Does he arbitrarily give you the cold shoulder, withholding affection or attention until you appease him with some exaggerated act of contrition?

Does he constantly berate and criticize you, to the point where you’re not sure why he’s even with you? If so, it’s time to let him go!

He’s self-destructive

You are not his doctor. I repeat; YOU are NOT his doctor! Even if you’re an actual doctor, that’s not your role in his life. No doctor wants to LIVE with their patient; there’s a reason they get paid (quite well) to do their job! Still, many women get involved with damaged men, believing that they can ‘fix‘ them.

If he’s taking ‘thrill-seeking’ to insane and possibly illegal levels, if he is abusing his body with excessive drug or alcohol use, if he regularly gets into fights or irreverently trashes everything he touches, then I have news for you…

Chances are, deep down, he needs that constant drama to keep him going. You should probably send him packing.

He’s self-obsessed

Can he talk about anything other than himself? Does he ask you how your day went? Does he listen when you answer?  Is he more concerned with looking good than with being a good person?

Vanity is a deadly sin (or… maybe not. I don’t know the deadly sins, but if it’s not, it should be) and a man who is in love with himself is already in a relationship (making him an adulterer… pretty sure that’s a deadly sin!).

If your guy acts differently around different people or needs you to always look a certain way when you’re out with him then honey, it’s time to show him the door!

He’s a vampire

I’ve frequently theorised that some people come into our lives cold and dead inside. They are drawn to us because they can feed off of our positive energy. We inspire them, stroke their egos and make them remember that life can be awesome.

It takes ages before we notice that they are slowly draining us; feeding on the good in us and replacing it with bitterness and pessimism. If you don’t feel like you’ll become a better person with him; if you feel like you were happier BEFORE you met him, you need to revoke his invitation into your life.

He’s unfaithful

Ooohhhh, this is the controversial one! Since I can remember myself, I have always been critical of women who attack the other woman. Unless she’s your relative or your best friend, she owes you nothing! You never trusted her, so she hasn’t betrayed you. She’s out to get what she wants in a dog-eat-dog world. Granted, a good human doesn’t step on another to get where they want to go, but why did you assume she was a good human?

You made that assumption about HIM. When he cheats on you, HE is betraying you. Not to mention potentially bringing home drama (at best) and disease (at worst). Trust me, if he cannot choose you each day and every day, he doesn’t deserve you. Don’t fight her; cut him loose!


What say you, ladies? Have I got it right? Have you ever managed to identify a bad romance and nip it in the bud? Comment below and let me know your thoughts!

xo

J

6 thoughts on “When NOT to Fight for Him”

  1. True sister, true! Another red flag is if he won’t defend you when others attack or speak ill of you

    1. Indeed sunshine. All true and on the money. Vanity is all about me me me there is no us in there. Therefore there will be little or no place for you.

  2. Blowing hot and cold frequently. I cut an early relationship short years ago because I never knew what side ofnhim Inwas going to see. If I wanted to ride a rollercoaster, I would’ve gone to an amusement park.

    1. Right?!! I once dated the Vampire… who also turned out to be unfaithful (talk about a jack of all trades!). Being empowered means not settling for less than the life we deserve. Not walking on eggshells hoping that if you do everything just right he won’t freak out / cheat on you/ get depressed etc etc… You are not his shrink and NOBODY wants that crazy up-and-down kind of life…

  3. So true the vimpire had me! Such a great post! But then again it wouldn’t be you if it wasn’t let me catch up on everything else here too excited!

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